It's almost 3am and this is what I’m thinking.

Ok its time to get EMO-ish (I think I should), maybe life wasn’t really nice, it turns out to be a little… no fun now. Everybody’s chilling, taking a break from one hell of a 2008 parties and gigs. Some are taking a break from long relationships, friendships, and whatsoever. Let’s see, breakups do count as one, ahhh then it means I’m taking a break for myself too. No matter how much I hate it, the clock is still ticking as days goes by and months are changing, but still a breakup is just hard to accept especially when the reasons are… somehow, bothering me.

“Amazing how life turns out the way it does, we end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really loved”…well, Anberlin wrote that in their song called Inevitable and it is sooooo true. How careful we’ve been just to take care of the other persons feelings, we end up hurting them also and worst, our own feelings at the same time. I can’t seem to let go of this what more when pictures that remind you of them and man, it really sucks. You don’t get to be like you used to and there’s a time when out of all the time you had with her, suddenly when you have nothing else with her, old memories and words both of you promised or talk about, maybe the future that you’ll have with them, come back to life and its just sad.

Everything is missing in action, I became the old me, sad, wild, cranky, bullshit. Well, at the moment I’m preoccupying myself with gigs and assignments. But for how long I can last with that? I rejected the girl that I knew for only three weeks which I think have quite a crush on me just to wait and stay with the girl I knew for almost three years, have been in love since the second week we knew each other and used to be in a relationship with. Worth of the 1 an a half year of waiting, but it still ends up like… hell; I don’t know what to say there. Gosh, I am writing here and talking crap and there she is sleeping, acting as if she is happy but deep down she knows, she is sad and lately she’s not pouring her heart out like she used to just because she don’t want to make me sad thinking of her being sad. What the hell.

Crap, crap, crap, and more crap coming everyday messing up my mind. Leaving the society for a moment, I think its best that I distant myself from people for a while, well not everyone, I’m only sticking to a few crowds that I feel that I won’t hurt them. By this, I will surely hurt her too because I’m distancing myself from her also. If there is a way or maybe even a slight chance, I am willing to wait and try to get back to her heart. If she is willing to open it up again. None of this was anyone’s fault. Like she said, situational separation, after a few days, separate for real.

Sounds like no big deal at first, like I can handle it strong, but this little heart still says I really love her and the separation was sad.

Oh well, what can I say, deal with it or I’ll burn down and can never get back on my feet and stuck in a miserable life. But it still takes time. Shit, I hate it when I have to wait for time to pass as if nothing is going on at the same time thinking that things will change. Well apparently. Things don’t change unless I change and willingly want them to be change.

Apologies for this sad blog I wrote, I just need a place to lay a piece of my mind. *deep breath* ok that took of a little bit of the anger.