Where Can I Find My Medulla Oblongata At?

It's late and my medulla oblongata is starting to worry me a little. It gets reaaaaaally… dysfunctional, moody, retard and quiet at times when I need it to function properly. Let’s see, my responds to my lecturers are bad, unimpressive, but still… got an A+!! wooohoooo! And I failed to photocopy the notes that I supposedly photocopied just now. *sigh* what to do, what to do, what to do. I'm getting all this, ‘Am I dreaming?’ Situation every now and then, felt like as though I moved forward a bit like… you knooooow… OK I don’t know how to describe that feeling. It’s like you felt like your body moved forward a bit but in a fast movement. But the fact is, you’re just dizzy but you still want to write! yeehaa!

Dang, I do need to see someone and ask them, “am I okay?” because I don’t feel like I am, a little stressed over the breakup (still!) Arrghh! Missing my ex-gf dearly and I miss Starbucks, hanging out with my new, old, retarded, silly and crazy friends. I haven’t had mine since coke is one of a boycott item. Darn it! Oh, oh! I know. I’m planning to go for a gig tomorrow (Saturday, 28th Feb. 2009) somewhere around Jalan Raja Chulan if I’m not mistaken. Oh! It’s held at museum Telekom. God willing I’ll have some money to pay of the tickets and Wan’s car accident which I am the one who caused it. Arrghh! And I’m wondering if, I can use the car by this weekend. I really need a car so that it’s easy and I can go back whenever I want to and not rushing home!

The cerebrum is now at the verge of remembering old songs, lyrics and chords and I DON’T KNOW WHY THE HECK IT DOES THAT! Be Jesus! I just found out that I need to preoccupy my self with more entertainment instead of wondering around my medulla oblongata and flashing through my cerebrum! Phewh… I spend half of my day yester-today just reading blogs and editing a few lines for my ‘Informative’ speech next week in class. As I read through numerous blogs, I find that people; some people like to talk shit and crap around about their miserable headmaster and lecturer or maybe about their mums cooking sucks like shit (oh yes we do have a blogger who wrote stuff like that) instead of expressing their feelings emotionally rational that a even a stupid-ass maniac (why you sex maniac) who like to grab my manly boobs could understand it.

WHAT THE FUCK!? I’ve just hear a few screaming coming from I don’t-know-and-I don’t-want-to-know-where it came from! God! It was just my illusions right? Oh wait, it was actually my stupid brother who is having nightmares and I thought it was some ghost mimicking like a troubled child asking for help (honestly, I was scared there for a moment)… why you moron. Okay anyway…wait there’s more… I now hear silent voices as if they come from televisions or radios…wait…I’m not kidding, it’s like whispering in my ears as thought its far away… okay, I think I better take a hot shower and sleep now. Things are getting weirder as I write this silly purposeless blog just like the “My-mums-cooking-sucks-like-shit!” dude.

So off I go yaw!

Till another blog.

Terbaik lah.

Ok, waiting for Coldplay was surely stupid I must say. Damn yo, you don’t put Erykah Badu or Naturally 7 in the line-ups. It’s like giving a seven years old kid listen to The Devil Wears Prada and 2 seconds after that they’ll cry because the music sucks. Fuck it, I’m not going to Sunburst this year; unless, Coldplay turns up as a surprise artist. Then I’ll rush to Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club and get my tickets there or just get a media pass from a friend.

This is sad people, really sad. For fuck sakes! Coldplay is not coming? Hahaha! I can’t believe it, and I’m still not gonna believe it. Arrgh! Fuuuhhhh, woosa, woosa… Its alright I guess, we still have the Singapore Mosaic don’t we? Well, okay la tu, nak ape lagi kan? Kata Malaysia, organisers pun macam haprak, tak payah nak mengharap sangat. From what I heard, one of the royal families makes this thing happen. If it is true of the news, looks like some people just have the money without the brain in their thick skull. Ahhaa! Man, I am mean… whoops, my bad. I said, IF IT IS TRUE.

But I’m still hoping that Coldplay is coming, why? Because one, they don’t put up the schedule for when are they playing, two, Sam from Bunk face told a friend of mine that Coldplay is a surprise artist (I’m gonna try and take his word for this), and lastly, Celine said if I’m not going, she’s gonna slap me like she did last time (oh yeah, I still remember that dude. Sakit kot.) And lagi sakit dia akan buat. Oh yeah, last weekend I went to Titiwangsa to get my photography assignment photos, snap quite a lot of shots (even during the rain). After the gig finishes, Azam said all of us (Chaom, me, Fiqa, Hazieq, Meor, Art, and Illy) should go to Flat Pekeliling (next to the Titiwangsa LRT) for a photo shoot. So dengan bersemangatnya, aku pun pergi ke tempat tersebut.

Sebelum sampai sana kitorang berjalan kaki dari Tasik Titiwangsa tu sampai ke flat tersebut, dalam berjalan tu ada la beberapa gamba yang aku nak snap. Alangkah malang nasib ku, memory card jam! Fuck gila ahh, tiba – tiba je tak boleh nak scan. Time tu habis segala sumpah seranah dan maki – memaki hamun keluar. All of my best shots (I’m serious, that’s what I thought) gone just like that. Fuuuuuuck! There goes my assignment, I thought my group will be the best, but sadly the freaking memory card screws it up.

Oh man im far of the topic, woohh. Ok, this is where I should stop writing. Adios. :D

The Most Hilarious and Fun Day, but Still it Ended Up Awful.

“Dayuuuumnn son, your memory card spoiled, she is pushing you to the cliff, and you are broke.” Fuck it, I had enough of everything and now I’ve come to an answer; forgive and forget about it. Well not exactly a good choice but at least it’ll kill of the hurt and head ache. You’re already falling down the cliff, you miss tons of excitement, and you’re basically broke. (Well ade la RM200, nak beli ape siot) esok ada sunburst mini gig kat pavilion, duit nak guna untuk assignment. But assignment pulak sangkut sebab memory card DSLR ku rosak at the right time; just when I had the most (I think) beautiful shot I’ve ever taken. Oh damn. Damn, damn, damn.

Tried waiting for the card to rest, give it a try on a friends camera, knock it a little, shake the card, but it just won’t appear in the computer and so in the camera. MOTHER FUCKER. Crying just now, I had the shots, had the moments, but… sigh…lost it just like that. Fuck gila babe! Esok dah la ada one more session kat pavilion, how the heck am I suppose to snap pictures for assignment? Nak gila aku amik gamba kat gig tadi, boleh pulak dia buat perangai.

Tu okay lagi, time lepak pulak, Azam si ‘tayar rosak’ boleh bagi aku nama “maggi basi”. Gampang punya budak, semua orang ada nama, contoh nya;pondok telefon (Hazieq), cawan sumbing (Art), and sawit tengit (Chaom). Gila hina sial dapat nama camtu. After all the ding - a – dongs, we head back to pavilion after hanging out kat kitaro. It was fun…met up with Meor, one of the dudes I took their picture and the picture was awesome. Ok it’s time to go back home and rest… she texted… *muka sober*…daaaaamn. Fuck it, my line got barred, I’m not gonna reply, even if I had a phone I can use. There’s no point anymore, so I acted as if there’s nothing. Later, I reached home, grab a coffee, got myself in front of the PC and start surfing the net.

I saw her online but I’m not sure if I should talk to her, waited…and waited…then, I gave her a little “yo!”, and there, start another sad story and regret doing that. I should have never thought about her again. It gets really irritating when your ex is telling you to try and stop thinking about her every time you talk about what’s going on between you and her. BEJESUS! It gets even worst when she does that, it’s already fucking hard to accept, to let go, and to break up, and you’re giving me this? For crying out loud! Give me some space dude!

It's almost 3am and this is what I’m thinking.

Ok its time to get EMO-ish (I think I should), maybe life wasn’t really nice, it turns out to be a little… no fun now. Everybody’s chilling, taking a break from one hell of a 2008 parties and gigs. Some are taking a break from long relationships, friendships, and whatsoever. Let’s see, breakups do count as one, ahhh then it means I’m taking a break for myself too. No matter how much I hate it, the clock is still ticking as days goes by and months are changing, but still a breakup is just hard to accept especially when the reasons are… somehow, bothering me.

“Amazing how life turns out the way it does, we end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really loved”…well, Anberlin wrote that in their song called Inevitable and it is sooooo true. How careful we’ve been just to take care of the other persons feelings, we end up hurting them also and worst, our own feelings at the same time. I can’t seem to let go of this what more when pictures that remind you of them and man, it really sucks. You don’t get to be like you used to and there’s a time when out of all the time you had with her, suddenly when you have nothing else with her, old memories and words both of you promised or talk about, maybe the future that you’ll have with them, come back to life and its just sad.

Everything is missing in action, I became the old me, sad, wild, cranky, bullshit. Well, at the moment I’m preoccupying myself with gigs and assignments. But for how long I can last with that? I rejected the girl that I knew for only three weeks which I think have quite a crush on me just to wait and stay with the girl I knew for almost three years, have been in love since the second week we knew each other and used to be in a relationship with. Worth of the 1 an a half year of waiting, but it still ends up like… hell; I don’t know what to say there. Gosh, I am writing here and talking crap and there she is sleeping, acting as if she is happy but deep down she knows, she is sad and lately she’s not pouring her heart out like she used to just because she don’t want to make me sad thinking of her being sad. What the hell.

Crap, crap, crap, and more crap coming everyday messing up my mind. Leaving the society for a moment, I think its best that I distant myself from people for a while, well not everyone, I’m only sticking to a few crowds that I feel that I won’t hurt them. By this, I will surely hurt her too because I’m distancing myself from her also. If there is a way or maybe even a slight chance, I am willing to wait and try to get back to her heart. If she is willing to open it up again. None of this was anyone’s fault. Like she said, situational separation, after a few days, separate for real.

Sounds like no big deal at first, like I can handle it strong, but this little heart still says I really love her and the separation was sad.

Oh well, what can I say, deal with it or I’ll burn down and can never get back on my feet and stuck in a miserable life. But it still takes time. Shit, I hate it when I have to wait for time to pass as if nothing is going on at the same time thinking that things will change. Well apparently. Things don’t change unless I change and willingly want them to be change.

Apologies for this sad blog I wrote, I just need a place to lay a piece of my mind. *deep breath* ok that took of a little bit of the anger.

Malam Ini by Bo

Malam ini
Malam pertama kita ditemani kelembutan cahaya rembulan
perasaan indah memanggil namaku untuk menyintai mu

Malam ini
kehadiranmu membawa seribu makna baru untuk hidupku
dirimu memberi cinta yang selamanya

Suaramu
bergema di hatiku
mungkin untuk selamanya dan
dirimu
bertakhta di hatiku dari pandangan pertama

Malam ini
puisi yang terindah terbaca setiap saat ku bersamamu dan
kaulah puitis hatiku yang ukirkan senyuman di wajahku

Malam ini
ku serahkan segalanya untuk wanita impianku dan
bidadari dari syurga cintaku hanyalah untukmu

Suaramu
bergema di hatiku
mungkin untuk selamanya dan
dirimu
bertakhta di hatiku dari pandangan pertama

Malam ini
malam pertama segala hasratku adalah untuk kebahagiaanmuperasaan dari syurga untuk sehidup semati denganmu


This is just a sweet song. I love it.

Namun segala kisah berlaku.

Hahaha agak sedih la, but its worth of fighting for what I think is really worthy and priceless. As of where I stand, things are very good to me not forgetting the good times and also the bad ones. The bad ones make me this far, the good ones are just rewards to what I’ve change about my self in becoming a better person. Kadang – kadang kita kene belajar menerima keadaan seadanya, even when it sucks big time but for a fact, you know that you can’t run from what is really going on especially getting your self wounded. It’s never the other persons fault because you let your self in it honestly with a lot of trust to the other person. And note, they didn’t break the trust, you do.

For a reason I say that is because, you gave them trust and I suppose you really know them right? If the trust is break, it means you don’t know them yet. Never blame people for what you know what you did is wrong, that’s just wrong. I don’t blame that person or few other people, because I’m aware of it earlier on and should always be prepare for what’s coming up next. You’ll never know if it’s a hurricane. Like the Malay old folks used to say, “Sedia kan payung sebelum hujan.” (Fuck, skema gila ayat. Ahh, wth) Just when thought I was prepared, the rain really drops and that’s when I say to my self, “Fuck, I was never ready all this while that I THOUGHT I WAS.”

Masa tu baru nak sedar yang ready ni bukan takat ready macam tu je. Ready is when you have prepare your mind, body and soul. Mind, prepare for all sorts of emotions coming and leaving. Make sure that fikiran dah agak waras so you won’t make silly mistakes, like I did.*sigh* Memang la at times rasa macam orang lain yang buat salah, but have we ever come to think sanely about what we did? Learning to accept situations that involve your emotions is not easy. It gets really cranky at first, but I will try and deal the facts.

Meet Uncle Hussain wrote a song called Hilang. Part of the lyrics goes like,

“Namun segala kisah berlaku
Harus ku terima
Hanya berserah pada yang Maha Esa”

Yeah, lebih kurang macam tu lah plan nya. Ok getting on to the next one which is body. Errr…*five minutes passing*… nothing much I guess, just keep on smoking that bong you have. Get really high and knock yourself out. And also, eat right! Ahhaa, agak bodoh la yang ni but takpe carry on to the next one. Soul, I guess I haven’t really found out what it really means to prepare your soul. I know but I haven’t practice it yet lately.

I got the confession earlier on around 12:30am just now, and I was half shock. Part of me expected it already because I was aware of it five and a half months ago. But still, emotions are just hard to handle, rain drops and t-shirts are used as tissues. But I’m relief to hear that because it was very honest of that person. It hurts and struck you right in your little heart, but it also give you the warmth that things are clear now and everyone is making up their mind. Ahh, finally.

Take a few steps back, look, and remember it. A glance is enough for me to know that it means a lot to me. And looking at where I’ve gotten my self to, I am really really sure its worth of fighting, sacrificing, crying, laughing, loving, caring and holding. It’s just priceless to me because it only happens once.

Current Playing Track:

The Adams - Hanya Kau

Mohd Jayzuan - When You're Around

Garasi - Hilang (solo version)

Iron & wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth

Waste A Moment. =)

Hey it’s Monday again and AGAIN it’s shitty. Gahh! But its okay lets make today a good day. A little bit of Little Joy, The Wombats and Alanis Morissette will do! Hmm, let’s see… I got a psychologically disturbing drawing to be finish, spend time with my mom, have lunch with them later, and uhmm… Gee I don’t think I wanna know what’s going to happen or plan my day. Wanna relax for now. It’s too much man.

Time to download and look for good music, good photographers, and good political reviews. That’s all for now I guess.



Currently listening to:

Ask Me Again – Seven Jeng.

Coldplay – Fix You.

It's Monday!

“Hello, how are you?”, “what are you doing?”, “you tak keluar today?”… Honestly, I'm tired of these questions and it gets really normal when certain people ask me, even if they really mean it. It comes to a point when you are aware that people and you yourself are changing too, but you just wouldn’t wanna care about it. You’re seeing patterns and act of changes. But still, you push it away just like you push it last time. But this time, its serious and no turning back, not going back and pretend to be normal or happy, it’ll rip out the goodness you’ve been showing to people and bring up the hell out of you. That is something I don’t want to happen to me.

I haven’t written since January 18th, I have no mood to write. Music, something that I love most has become annoying to me. Good music is shitty as ever, lame ass music becoming good. What a big change for a start. Sigh. Till when is this going to last? How long shall I bleed for you again? How much pain must I take in? How long must I pretend that I am happy? And for once, can you make me happy as how I’ve been making you happy? These silly questions are quite… disturbing. Pointless, such great pain I’ve taken in me has no results of goodness to other people or give me any good. Respect, it’s a big word for them. Patience is not in their interest. Sympathy was never thought to them. Rage, selfish, is the only thing they know and kept it inside them EVEN when people have warned them about it.

Now things are starting to move slowly, sneaking their way out with out hurting others is that’s what they think. The thing is, we’ve already know what’s gonna happen. It’s predictable when you understand the other person more than they understand you. They would say, “I knew it! I know you’re gonna…” bla bla bla… well if you KNEW it why didn’t you try and STOP IT FROM FUCKING HAPPEN? No you don’t know about it. You don’t know about me, you don’t know anything. All you know is you, you, you, and you again and again.

And you don’t know that things are moving silently without you noticing it happening to you and I am changing.

Current tracks:

Jean Elan - Where's Your Head At. ( Klass Remix)

B-Quartet - Shoebox.

The Wombats - Moving To New York.